Series 3 Farhat Hashmi
Third sequel to Islamic Parenting by Dr Farhat Hashmi held on 20 th Jan 2012
13))Instead of highlighting their negative qualities focus on their good qualities,appreciate their good doings genuinely, acknowledge their good actions, false praises are incorrect it is forbidden to magnify and praise falsely .
Dr Farhat Hashmi explained about the Hadith as below from which we should analyze the actions to be done and do it.for egs about their clothes,whenever the child wears his dress, then acknowledge the child that she or he is looking nice, not necessarily use words but even with a smile,your body language should demonstrate your appreciation.
Hadith:
A child came with her dad to meet prophet pbuh wearing a yellow dress, so prophet pbuh said in habshi language" Sana Sana" which meant excellent.then the dad picked the child and carried her so prophet pbuh said let her play do not stop her,so nabi pbuh then said thrice ablee wa akhleeqeee meaning that wear this dress as long as it does not tear.so Abdullah said that the dress stayed with them for very long time.
As a result of this, what happens, in the childs heart love for prophet pbuh, if u deal with love with children then love will be born in the kids heart.
We must narrate this story to our kids and also teach them to be caring and giving,donate their clothes in charity.
14))Descriptive praise is important, if not ,then praise them with genuine words.
When the child does an extraordinary job the child should be appreciated for egs talha was very young,wearing the heavy armor for a war and when prophet pbuh had to climb on a higher level, talha bent down and offered the prophet to climb on him to step up.so our prophet pbuh said that w ith this gesture Talha has made paradise incumbent on himself ( in urdu she said : Talha pe jannat waajib ho Gaya hai ) ( since as he bent down and let prophet climb the high stone inspite of his heavy attire)
Also when prophet pbuh informed about the ten men of paradise this was also like an acknowledgment appreciation of their good deeds .don't you think that when Allah revealed the names of the ten men of paradise this was to praise their good deeds,appreciate and acknowledge them.isn't this a great motivation for one to continue doing good deed.
15))At times the kids are very small that sometimes they do not understand the high quality of the language or we are speaking in extreme high context.but for kids it is important that we just don't use words only but use our body language to explain to them , for egs explain them with easy examples,pat them with positive strokes be affectionate towards them fondly.
Examples from life:
Most of the times the child is in school speaking English and when the child comes home and pure Urdu is spoken this creates a language barrier,huge communication gap and this is an unpleasant alien distance.but we should tap what the child is going thru and be understanding,so Always speak to the child in their language come to their level and talk in a manner they understand,it is also important to use sign language,use your hands to describe your talk for egsyou ask the child to bring the scissors from high cupboard then explain. Properly don't call them foolish when they could not do the job, maybe your instructions was not clear.
16))Personalize your praises using their names.prophet pbuh would praise using their names.
Do not make critical statements,praise them with positive statements,.
For egs a sahabi came inside the mosque in Ruku position as he saw that the prophet pbuh was in Ruku position.He realized that it was his mistake and informed prophet pbuh.how did prophet pbuh react,he first appreciated his good intention that he did not want to be at a higher level than prophet, then he advised him not to repeat.
This is the approach we should take with our children instead of losing our temper, first appreciate the good action,doings and then advise not to repeat next time.
For egs chid making tea incorrectly is also putting in hard work.
Another example of the time when your are leaving the house then the child comes running asking you several questions that is the time we lose patience remember that u need to be patient how did prophet saws deal with the Bedouin who held the prophets she camel and did not let it move...the Bedouin started asking questions and asked what are Allahs commands...so prophet replied patiently and then requested him to please go of his camel!
It is important to deal the tender hearts of ur child with love and patience,remember how we felt when as kids our parents treated us,or shouted in front of others, how hurtful we would get and not forget for long time to come,although the parents would have forgotten...
17))Always pay attention to the child's need and be descriptive in ur praise.
If you tell ur child that you are a sensible wise child ( in Urdu samajh daar bacche ho) then they will work towards it to prove that their label is right.for egs Hadith of the little boy who gave goat for milk to prophet pbuh ,prophet praised the child and said you are a little wise child, this child learnt 70 Surah from our prophet ,this is evident from another Hadith.
18))Do not compare between the kids, if praising one child then praise the other also else their will be jealousy between the kids.
Once nabi saws heard the Quran from a sahabi and praised him in the morning that you have something similar to Daud ale salaam...
For egs when Dr Farhats son Hadi uploads video he asks his mother if she has seen them, then she praises and then advises the areas of improvement,as it is our duty to correct them also.specific praises where it is required and also guide them.
Hadith: bilal in dream footsteps in jannah,whenever does wudhu read namaz.prophet pbuh had seen the dream in the nite before and informed bilal in the first thing morning,so giving him assurance and also asking him to continue with the good deed and not give it up.
19))The basic foundation and the rule is that even Allah likes any good deed how much ever small it is needs to be done continuously.always remind the child to do any good deed they would have forgotten and ask them to be persistent in it.
When children question then we get irritated and curb them from asking,but we should ve little tolerance and appreciate their questions like a sahabi asked a question so he appreciated and said that your question is azeem.
Analyze your child and write their qualities in a journal.you can make this your long term goal ,as you will notice that the growing child develops other good qualities.
Descriptive.e praise. Is important.
Do not dig into the past wrong doings of your child, move on , don't make the child get a guilt feeling in them, this will shatter their confidence .prophet pbuh said that when prophet Yunus Ale Salam left his people as they were not turning to the creator ,not taking his message of one Allah,then later Prophet Yunus was swallowed by a big fish but this does not take away the goodness he has ,the noble character he has,so we human beings should not stop praising a child on account of his mistake in the past,as his other great deeds are still there.
20))Don't make a mistake the biggest issue ( in Urdu don't make ghalati ek masalaa) let it go, forget about it and move on.be reasonable and practical with your kids.
For egs if a. Child gets scared by seeing blood then it is wrong to expect her to become a doctor then this is a dhulm( being unfair), guide them tell them that they don't need to be afraid ,motivate them inspire them ( in urdu hauslaa badhaayen.).
21))always make lots of duaas for your children
Ibn Abbas says prophet hugged me and said dua that Allah give him wisdom,so similarly show affection to your child and make lots of duaa of what you would like ur child to become,this encourages the child huge deal
Although Abu hurairah entered very islam late but his contributions to the Hadith world is the best as he recorded maximum number of Hadith.( almost 5000) he would always sit in the prophet s majlis even the most exclusive ones and observe every detail of what prophet pbuh said...
22) tolerance ,good character , love for one another..
During Omar RA times ,most of the battles were won by Khalid bin waleed, so there was a risk of ppl associating the winning of battles to Khalid bin Walid hence hazrat Omar RA transferred him from his prestigious position as a general/ leader of Syria and appointed Abu Ubaid the new in charge of Syria.
If such a transfer would have been done in current times ppl would have resorted to politics by insulting one another in public.
But the sahabas were the men of best and highest character,as Khalid bin Waleed congratulated Abu Obaid saying that I had heard prophet pbuh praise you and call you the leader ,Amir al Ummah .to this Abu Ubaid RA complimented Khalid saying that I have heard prophet calling you the sword of Allah ,saif of Allah..
Third sequel to Islamic Parenting by Dr Farhat Hashmi held on 20 th Jan 2012
13))Instead of highlighting their negative qualities focus on their good qualities,appreciate their good doings genuinely, acknowledge their good actions, false praises are incorrect it is forbidden to magnify and praise falsely .
Dr Farhat Hashmi explained about the Hadith as below from which we should analyze the actions to be done and do it.for egs about their clothes,whenever the child wears his dress, then acknowledge the child that she or he is looking nice, not necessarily use words but even with a smile,your body language should demonstrate your appreciation.
Hadith:
A child came with her dad to meet prophet pbuh wearing a yellow dress, so prophet pbuh said in habshi language" Sana Sana" which meant excellent.then the dad picked the child and carried her so prophet pbuh said let her play do not stop her,so nabi pbuh then said thrice ablee wa akhleeqeee meaning that wear this dress as long as it does not tear.so Abdullah said that the dress stayed with them for very long time.
As a result of this, what happens, in the childs heart love for prophet pbuh, if u deal with love with children then love will be born in the kids heart.
We must narrate this story to our kids and also teach them to be caring and giving,donate their clothes in charity.
14))Descriptive praise is important, if not ,then praise them with genuine words.
When the child does an extraordinary job the child should be appreciated for egs talha was very young,wearing the heavy armor for a war and when prophet pbuh had to climb on a higher level, talha bent down and offered the prophet to climb on him to step up.so our prophet pbuh said that w ith this gesture Talha has made paradise incumbent on himself ( in urdu she said : Talha pe jannat waajib ho Gaya hai ) ( since as he bent down and let prophet climb the high stone inspite of his heavy attire)
Also when prophet pbuh informed about the ten men of paradise this was also like an acknowledgment appreciation of their good deeds .don't you think that when Allah revealed the names of the ten men of paradise this was to praise their good deeds,appreciate and acknowledge them.isn't this a great motivation for one to continue doing good deed.
15))At times the kids are very small that sometimes they do not understand the high quality of the language or we are speaking in extreme high context.but for kids it is important that we just don't use words only but use our body language to explain to them , for egs explain them with easy examples,pat them with positive strokes be affectionate towards them fondly.
Examples from life:
Most of the times the child is in school speaking English and when the child comes home and pure Urdu is spoken this creates a language barrier,huge communication gap and this is an unpleasant alien distance.but we should tap what the child is going thru and be understanding,so Always speak to the child in their language come to their level and talk in a manner they understand,it is also important to use sign language,use your hands to describe your talk for egsyou ask the child to bring the scissors from high cupboard then explain. Properly don't call them foolish when they could not do the job, maybe your instructions was not clear.
16))Personalize your praises using their names.prophet pbuh would praise using their names.
Do not make critical statements,praise them with positive statements,.
For egs a sahabi came inside the mosque in Ruku position as he saw that the prophet pbuh was in Ruku position.He realized that it was his mistake and informed prophet pbuh.how did prophet pbuh react,he first appreciated his good intention that he did not want to be at a higher level than prophet, then he advised him not to repeat.
This is the approach we should take with our children instead of losing our temper, first appreciate the good action,doings and then advise not to repeat next time.
For egs chid making tea incorrectly is also putting in hard work.
Another example of the time when your are leaving the house then the child comes running asking you several questions that is the time we lose patience remember that u need to be patient how did prophet saws deal with the Bedouin who held the prophets she camel and did not let it move...the Bedouin started asking questions and asked what are Allahs commands...so prophet replied patiently and then requested him to please go of his camel!
It is important to deal the tender hearts of ur child with love and patience,remember how we felt when as kids our parents treated us,or shouted in front of others, how hurtful we would get and not forget for long time to come,although the parents would have forgotten...
17))Always pay attention to the child's need and be descriptive in ur praise.
If you tell ur child that you are a sensible wise child ( in Urdu samajh daar bacche ho) then they will work towards it to prove that their label is right.for egs Hadith of the little boy who gave goat for milk to prophet pbuh ,prophet praised the child and said you are a little wise child, this child learnt 70 Surah from our prophet ,this is evident from another Hadith.
18))Do not compare between the kids, if praising one child then praise the other also else their will be jealousy between the kids.
Once nabi saws heard the Quran from a sahabi and praised him in the morning that you have something similar to Daud ale salaam...
For egs when Dr Farhats son Hadi uploads video he asks his mother if she has seen them, then she praises and then advises the areas of improvement,as it is our duty to correct them also.specific praises where it is required and also guide them.
Hadith: bilal in dream footsteps in jannah,whenever does wudhu read namaz.prophet pbuh had seen the dream in the nite before and informed bilal in the first thing morning,so giving him assurance and also asking him to continue with the good deed and not give it up.
19))The basic foundation and the rule is that even Allah likes any good deed how much ever small it is needs to be done continuously.always remind the child to do any good deed they would have forgotten and ask them to be persistent in it.
When children question then we get irritated and curb them from asking,but we should ve little tolerance and appreciate their questions like a sahabi asked a question so he appreciated and said that your question is azeem.
Analyze your child and write their qualities in a journal.you can make this your long term goal ,as you will notice that the growing child develops other good qualities.
Descriptive.e praise. Is important.
Do not dig into the past wrong doings of your child, move on , don't make the child get a guilt feeling in them, this will shatter their confidence .prophet pbuh said that when prophet Yunus Ale Salam left his people as they were not turning to the creator ,not taking his message of one Allah,then later Prophet Yunus was swallowed by a big fish but this does not take away the goodness he has ,the noble character he has,so we human beings should not stop praising a child on account of his mistake in the past,as his other great deeds are still there.
20))Don't make a mistake the biggest issue ( in Urdu don't make ghalati ek masalaa) let it go, forget about it and move on.be reasonable and practical with your kids.
For egs if a. Child gets scared by seeing blood then it is wrong to expect her to become a doctor then this is a dhulm( being unfair), guide them tell them that they don't need to be afraid ,motivate them inspire them ( in urdu hauslaa badhaayen.).
21))always make lots of duaas for your children
Ibn Abbas says prophet hugged me and said dua that Allah give him wisdom,so similarly show affection to your child and make lots of duaa of what you would like ur child to become,this encourages the child huge deal
Although Abu hurairah entered very islam late but his contributions to the Hadith world is the best as he recorded maximum number of Hadith.( almost 5000) he would always sit in the prophet s majlis even the most exclusive ones and observe every detail of what prophet pbuh said...
22) tolerance ,good character , love for one another..
During Omar RA times ,most of the battles were won by Khalid bin waleed, so there was a risk of ppl associating the winning of battles to Khalid bin Walid hence hazrat Omar RA transferred him from his prestigious position as a general/ leader of Syria and appointed Abu Ubaid the new in charge of Syria.
If such a transfer would have been done in current times ppl would have resorted to politics by insulting one another in public.
But the sahabas were the men of best and highest character,as Khalid bin Waleed congratulated Abu Obaid saying that I had heard prophet pbuh praise you and call you the leader ,Amir al Ummah .to this Abu Ubaid RA complimented Khalid saying that I have heard prophet calling you the sword of Allah ,saif of Allah..
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